Retired and Moving Closer to Your Adult Child? Tread Carefully

Would your adult child be happy or upset if you announced you were moving to be closer to them?

That's a declaration many young homeowners with aging parents face, as retirees often choose to relocate to be closer to family. But while it may sound like a no-brainer, it’s a transition that can be fraught with hidden pitfalls. Here are some considerations to keep in mind before planning a move.

Reasons Retirees Move Closer to Their Adult Children

Retirees considering moving have often lived in their current home for years. Some may have moved into an adults-only community once their children left. Or maybe they downsized into a condo for maintenance-free living. Or perhaps they still live in the same house where they raised their family.

Regardless, there’s a good chance that if they’ve lived in the same place for an extended period, they have an established group of friends, familiarity with the local area, and a strong sense of community.

So why might some retirees choose to move closer to their adult children? Common reasons can include:

• Desire to spend more time with their family during their golden years
• Changing healthcare needs have them requiring more assistance
• Wanting to help care for and spend time with grandchildren
• Sense of loneliness or isolation where they’re currently living
• Cost savings if they’re considering moving in with a child

Multiple Adult Children: Which Do You Choose?

It's not unusual for parents to enjoy spending more time with a specific child than with the others. That doesn't necessarily mean they love their other kids less than that one.

Parents may gravitate toward moving closer to that particular child, but this might not always be the best choice for a variety of reasons:

• That child may have hopes and dreams (or even commitments) that don't include their parents. Perhaps they’re thinking about relocating themselves, or maybe they’ve already committed to taking care of their spouse’s family.
• Nominating a seemingly favorite child from the start can hurt and offend the other children. True, some may secretly be relieved they haven't been chosen. But apparent rejection by a parent can still be very painful, even for an adult.
• The child you most enjoy spending time with may not be the best caregiver. He or she may be great company, but that doesn't always mean it's someone with whom a parent can comfortably share deeply personal medical issues, including end-of-life care. And parents must feel OK about that person administering intimate care one day.

Having the Conversation With Your Children

Perhaps the safest way to pursue this is to begin a family-wide discussion:

Parents: "We're thinking of moving closer to one of you kids, but we don't yet know which. To start with, that should be great for you: lots of free babysitting, picking up your children from school, and helping out with the occasional chore. But, as we get older, we might need more help and support from you. How do you feel about that? Would any of you like to volunteer or rule yourselves out? This is something that requires a lot of thought, so we're not expecting instant answers."

Kids: "We'll think about it and let you know."

Some who have perhaps already thought it through may still provide immediate responses, while others may take hours, days, or longer to think things over. Give them time, but feel free to follow up with everyone after a week or two.

And be sure to be gracious toward those who rule themselves out. Parents may know their kids as well as possible, but none of us fully understands the stresses and dynamics of someone else's life.

Explaining Your Decision to Your Children

As we mentioned earlier, adult children may have numerous reasons why they don’t necessarily want their parents moving closer to them. That doesn’t mean that they love you any less, but they may have other dreams and plans of their own.

However, even in that situation, not being your top choice can still hurt, so it's crucial that you explain your final decision tactfully and justify it with objective reasoning. If you had to choose between multiple kids, make sure to provide reasons other than how much you enjoy the chosen child’s company.

This could include things such as:

• Lower cost of living in the chosen area
• Better healthcare options are available in the selected community
• Attractive scenery or more local activities that you enjoy
• Other family members or friends also live nearby
• More tolerable climate, such as a milder winter or moderate summers

When Retirees Don't Wish to Live Close to Their Kids (Or Don't Have Any)

Of course, plenty of retirees and soon-to-be retirees have no kids or don't get along with the ones they do have – at least not well enough to move minutes away. For them, choosing a retirement location comes with fewer restrictions.

So, if you have the freedom to move anywhere in retirement, where should you choose? According to U.S. News, the top 10 places to retire in the United States in 2026 are:

1. Midland, MI
2. Weirton, WV
3. Homosassa Springs, FL
4. The Woodlands, TX
5. Spring, TX
6. Rio Rancho, NM
7. Spring Hill, FL
8. Altoona, PA
9. Palm Coast, FL
10. Lynchburg, VA

These cities were chosen based on six criteria identified by retirees and those approaching retirement (over 45 years of age) as most important. Those were:

• Quality of life
• Value
• Health care quality
• Senior population/migration
• Taxes
• Job market

Considerations to Keep in Mind

Many retirees are moving to low-tax states, where their fixed incomes can buy them a better standard of living. However, it's important to consider other factors as well.

For example, how important is a mild or sunny climate? And are there enough high-quality doctors and hospitals nearby to address any complex health issues that might arise as one ages?

Meanwhile, those who locked in ultra-low mortgage rates in the early 2020s need to do some math to see whether they can afford to move at all. Our Mortgage Research Network conventional loan calculator can help with that.

Is Moving Closer to Your Children Right for You?

If you’re retired or are approaching retirement in the near future, you may be thinking about moving closer to your adult children. This is not a choice to take lightly, though, and it’s important to get input from your kids before making your ultimate decision.

Talk with your children, presenting it as an option rather than a done deal. Ask them what they think of the idea, and make your decision jointly, incorporating their thoughts and concerns alongside your needs and desires.